We're off to Neverland!
by SecretSparkle
Summary: What happens when Hermione, along with Peter Pan and Tink, come and take Harry away to Neverland so that they can escape the torment of Earth? This is what happens when you're really tired and trying to write humor!


A/N: Please note that I do not know Peter Pan and Tinkerbell's real ages, so I made some up. If you know how old they are supposed to be, please let me know! Thanks!

No one took Dumbledore's death well, especially not the trio.

One night, as Harry lay restlessly in bed, a noise at the window startled him.

"Harry! Harry, open up! It's me Hermione, so don't worry," said Hermione's voice. Harry looked out the window, and sure enough, there she was, banging on the window as if her life depended on it.

"I'm coming, just a second!" Harry said, irritated. He opened the window and then remembered that he was on the second floor. "How'd you get up here anyway? You're not even on a broom!"

Hermione smiled, seeming pleased that he had noticed so quickly. "Fairy dust, of course. How else would I fly from my house to yours without any help?"

"Fairy dust? Why, that's stupid! I've only heard of people using fairy dust to fly in Peter Pan!"

"Isn't it wonderful? He's _real_, Harry! And he's willing to take me and any of my friends to Neverland with him when he goes back tonight!" Hermione was ecstatic.

"Oh, yeah? And just where is he now? I'd like to meet Mr. Flying-off-to-Neverland-with-someone-else's-girlfriend!" Harry was so caught up in being as sarcastic as possible that he didn't even know that he had actually let his feelings for Hermione slip until she was kissing him.

"I never knew you felt that way, too! Oh, why didn't you tell me?"

"I, uh…..well, you see….er…" Harry just trailed off.

"Oh, it doesn't matter! Now, how about I introduce you to Peter? Oh, Peter!"

Peter Pan swoops in, followed by a tiny, glowing… fairy! It was Tinkerbell.

"Okay, Harry, this is Peter and Tinkerbell. Peter, Tinkerbell, this is Harry Potter." Hermione sounded happy. "Harry would you like to join us in going to Neverland?"

"Um… Yes, I suppose so, where's Ron?"

"Oh, Ron didn't want to come. Said that no force in the world could make him go."

"Well, let's try him again, shall we? Maybe I could convince him." _Maybe. Probably not, _Harry thought.

"Great idea! Just watch out for that tree, it doesn't exactly jump out of your way."

"Okay, but I think that I might need some of that fairy dust."

"Sure. Tinkerbell, would you mind terribly giving Harry a bit of dust? _Fairy dust_."

Tink seemed all too glad to give Harry some dust (probably because she was afraid Hermione would distract Peter from her, like Wendy ALMOST had), so she ended up giving him a little too much.

"Whoa… Help! Help! I can't control it! HELP!" Harry was screaming at the top of his lungs.

They heard footsteps rushing up the stairs. They were heavy.

"What the bloody… Waking up the entire neighborhood at three in the morning! What in the bloody world do you think you're..." Uncle Vernon trailed off staring big-eyed (if that's even possible for him) at the scene before him.

"C'mon, guys! Let's hurry and get out before someone else sees us!" Hermione said as she flew gracefully to the open window. Peter and Tinkerbell followed, moving as if to show off. Harry sort of followed, doing a more of clunk-clunk-bang, clunk-clunk-bang all the way out the window.

"To the Burrow!" Hermione said in a very funny, high-pitched voice.

"Da-da-da! I feel like Batman!" Harry yelled to no one in particular, and sounding like a baby who actually knows how to talk (kinda scary).

"Well, I'm so happy that I'm gonna tell a really random joke!" Hermione said, trying to draw more attention from the curious onlookers than Harry. "Okay, so there was this guy named Bob. Well, it was time for recess, but the teacher didn't let Bob go out. He said, 'Why?' and the teacher asked him what the first five letters of the alphabet were. Bob didn't know, so his teacher said that he had to go home and find out.

"So, Bob goes home that day and asks his older sister, who was on the phone, 'What's the first letter of the alphabet?' She says, 'Shut up.' And Bob says 'Okay, cool.'

"Next Bob goes to his dad, who was watching football. 'What's the second letter of the alphabet?' And his dad goes, 'Yeah, yeah, yeah.'

"Then Bob goes to his 5-year-old brother, who was watching Batman. 'What is the third letter of the alphabet?' And his little brother answers, 'Da-da-da-da! Batman!'

"Then Bob goes to his little sister, who was watching Sesame Street. 'What's the fourth letter of the alphabet?' 'In the garbage, in the, garbage!'

"Last, Bob goes to his mum, who was making buns. 'What's the fifth letter of the alphabet?' 'My buns are burning! My buns are burning!'"

"Wow, this is a long joke. And it's not even funny," interrupts Harry.

"Well, I'm not done yet!" Says Hermione. "I'll finish now. Well, Bob goes to school the next day, and his teacher asks him what the first five letters of the alphabet are. And Bob says, 'Shut up.' 'Excuse me? Would you like to be sent to the principle's office?' The teacher. 'Yeah, yeah, yeah.' Bob. So Bob gets sent to the principle's office.

"And the principle goes, 'Who do you think you are?' And Bob goes, 'Da-da-da-da! Batman!' And the principle asks him, 'Where do you live?' And Bob goes, 'In the garbage, in the garbage!'

"Then for no reason at all, the principle spanks Bob about a thousand times. So, Bob is sent back to his classroom, and on the way down the hall he is shouting, 'My buns are burning! My buns are burning!' And he's also waving his hands in the air like an idiot."

Just as Hermione finished her joke, they reached Neverland (they had forgotten about Ron). By the time they landed, they were laughing so hard that none of them landed quite properly, and everyone ended up rolling in the grass, clutching at their sides. No one really knew why, though, because the joke wasn't all that funny.

"Guess what? I'm gonna be a professional stupid person when I grow up!" Harry announces out of the blue. "I've been practicing and I think I've gotten pretty good!" Then Harry acts **_VERY_** stupid, causing some evil mermaids to come up out of the murky, brown water that they'd been swimming in and try to take Harry hostage for no apparent reason.

Just in time to save the day, a giant, pink-and-orange, fire-breathing fish comes up and eats up all the evil mermaids and mermen. Then it decided that it was still hungry, so it ate a nearby Lost Boy. Finished eating, it introduced itself to us. "Hello, I am Walter-Jean Elephantanious Sam Walker-Williams Jr. Jr. But you can just call me Walter-Jean Elephantanious Sam Walker-Williams for short, if you want to."

"Er, hello, there. I'm Hermione Samabethian Granger," said Hermione, feeling rather nervous, "and these are my three friends, Tinkerbell, the fairy, Harry, the on with a scar on his forehead, and Peter Pan, the boy wearing tights."

"Well, hello. Nice to meet you all! How about you come over to my place? It's just under here. I'll even throw in some of my famous sea-weed tea!"

"Okay! The tea sounds especially pleasing!" said Harry, still half caught up in his stupidity act.

"Perfect! Now just follow me," said Walter-Jean Elephantanious Sam Walker-Williams Jr. Jr. Everyone followed, with Peter in the lead.

Down, under the water they went all the while forgetting that they were oxygen breathers, and therefore could not survive underwater.

They only lasted three minutes and then they all died. They never even got to see Walter-Jean Elephantanious Sam Walker-Williams Jr. Jr.'s house. They died young. Except for Peter Pan, of course, because he was already pushing 526. Tink was young for a fairy, only being 1,947. That was also the last time that they were ever seen, because their bodies were never found. Unless they weren't really dead……..?


End file.
